Wallowing in my own Crapulence since 1985. Michaelp326@gmail.com AIM: ScenehaterADVENTURES IN MEDIOCRITYTumblr (3.0; @mikeypizzle)http://mikeypizzle.com/Don't ever go to St. Lucia. The spiders there are the size of dinner plates (google "clock spider" for a good representation) and FAST. Seriously. The rest of the island is a goddamn paradise, but I spent the first night waking up every 15 minutes to wave my blackberry around the room to check for beasties. Apparently they're not that harmful, but my arachnophobia didn't give a shit about that bit.<br /> Spiders in St. Lucia: big, hairy, and fast. This has been your Daily Spytap Advice.<p>hate. you. forever.</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/442067887http://mikeypizzle.com/post/442067887Thu, 11 Mar 2010 15:42:00 -0800Why does everyone think "was it a big spider?" is an appropriate question to ask after you tell them you were attacked by one?<br /> <br /> jesusfuckingchrist. it's a spider. it has 8 legs. 8 or more eyes. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SIZE IT WAS.<p>i’m a bro that has had arachnophobia for years and have learned to deal with, because being a man i’m the one that has to kill the fuckers for whatever lady is currently in my life…..So yes size matters i mean i little dinky spider is nothing but if it’s bigger than say a quarter than i’m havin some issues i gotta work through….</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/440447882http://mikeypizzle.com/post/440447882Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:14:53 -0800here’s your fucking gpoyw……btw that’s my...<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kz3kp2Owmi1qzssaso1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>here’s your fucking gpoyw……btw that’s my model face i call it “passive aggressive-ism”</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/440303377http://mikeypizzle.com/post/440303377Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:07:50 -0800gpoywfuckersi'm full of hate and green teafuck you i just slept all day.http://mikeypizzle.com/post/440258670http://mikeypizzle.com/post/440258670Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:47:03 -0800Seriously....<p>The best part of <a href="http://yelyahwilliams.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Hayley Williams</a> being on tumblr is that when she finally dumps chad/ he drops her we will all get to read all the sappy emo shit she will post….tell me you’re not excited!</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438518413http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438518413Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:45:04 -0800Hayley WilliamstumblremoDear Future Girlfriend,<p>Hey! How yeah doing babe? Ahhh i’m sorry you had a bad day at work, that sucks….Want some dinner? I ordered some chinese from that place we like down the street. I got you the fried rice with tofu and an order or eggplant tofu in black bean sauce, cool?</p> <p>Any way i’m writing you this to let you know that every morning i get up 15 minutes before you and take a picture of you, because you look so beautiful while sleeping. I hope you don’t find this too creepy. Also I’d like to add that i’m glad you aren’t super conscious of you body because you are my favorite thing to photograph. You bring out inspirations in me that i never knew i had. <3</p> <p>Also there’s a 6 pack of PBR in the fridge…</p> <p>Love,<br/>Mike.</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438097685http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438097685Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:49:50 -0800Dear Future Girlfriendletterfuck formatspast future and present tenseShe’s My Rushmore by Every Time I Die The greatest lovers...<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://mikeypizzle.com/swf/audio_player.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/438056679/tumblr_kz1ocgav3S1qzssas&color=FFFFFF" height="27" width="207" quality="best"></embed><br/><br/><p><b>She’s My Rushmore</b> by <b>Every Time I Die</b></p> <blockquote> <p>The greatest lovers were murders first</p> </blockquote>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438056679http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438056679Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:31:28 -0800Every Time I DieShe's My RushmoreMusicAwesomeLyricI think it's stupid that a lot of the questions you're asked have something to do with your good looks. Mainly because I actually read what you have to say, and nothing sounds like you're fishing for compliments. But kudos on being a good blogger. lulzzz<p>“But kudos on being a good blogger.”</p> <p>I was just about to place the razor to my wrist when i read this line…..then i decided i need a bigger <strike>boat</strike> knife….<3</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438033515http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438033515Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:21:06 -0800When I see pictures of you with food, I get sexually aroused. I tried looking at just pictures of food, and then just pictures of you, but I didn't feel a thing either way. Can you explain this?<p>i don’t wanna explain it sir…i just want it be…i like knowing that somewhere in the world there is a person gratifying themselves to the image of me eating….</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438027889http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438027889Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:18:30 -0800Not a question, just an observation.... stop hitting on lesbians and start trolling chicks on Tumblr. You are like a god on here.... hahaha<p>i’m not purposefully hitting on lesbians…i’m out being like “Hmmm where’s there a lesbian for me to spit game at.” Also you don’t know me that well tumblr wise at least…or else you would know you didn’t need to say the latter half of your statement.</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438015043http://mikeypizzle.com/post/438015043Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:12:37 -0800You're cute. I just thought I'd let you know. ;)<p>thanks……NEXT!</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437964027http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437964027Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:48:42 -0800see what i did there....<p>i posted something deep and meaningful about myself  then quickly followed it up with something jokey…..</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437926273http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437926273Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:30:51 -0800I look for the eject button on my PS3 the same way i look for the clitoris....<p>just rub around until something happens.</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437920992http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437920992Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:28:22 -0800You have no fucking clue who i am or what i feel.<p>In truth i’ve never really felt anything. Other than mere physical sensations produced from outside sources. I have never <i>felt</i> anything….</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437914766http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437914766Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:25:24 -0800do you speak a second language?<p>only the language of love…..but seriously no i don’t, well nothing fluently.</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437810821http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437810821Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:34:29 -0800What's all the post-its on your wall?<p>Not Post-it’s movie tickets from like high school and a little after…i have a shit ton more in a drawer, plus concert tickets.</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437785490http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437785490Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:21:40 -0800I have become one with the light….and my spirit shall...<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kz1hesWWpp1qzssaso1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I have become one with the light….and my spirit shall entwine with the Keywork.</p> <p>yeah i like Coheed that much…</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437746530http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437746530Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:01:40 -0800Coheed and cambriaNERD ALERTselfI can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing...<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kz1grvjaaM1qzssaso1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I identify with Will Forte’s character in <b>Brief Interviews with Hideous Men</b>.</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437720532http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437720532Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:47:55 -0800Will ForteBrief Interviews with Hideous MenJohn KrasinskimoviesFun Fact: Handjobs are the parsley of the sexual entree.http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437669801http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437669801Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:20:00 -0800fun facthandjobsfood as a sexual metaphor(via)<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kz0l3yUJt01qzssaso1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>(<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/aestheticoctopus/religion-can-be-comforting-when-at-war-u4o" target="_blank">via</a>)</p>http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437344411http://mikeypizzle.com/post/437344411Tue, 09 Mar 2010 12:12:01 -0800HypnotoadFuturamaMilitaryAll Glory To The HypnotoadBuzzfeed