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Dear Future Girlfriend,
Hey! How yeah doing babe? Ahhh i’m sorry you had a bad day at work, that sucks….Want some dinner? I ordered some chinese from that place we like down the street. I got you the fried rice with tofu and an order or eggplant tofu in black bean sauce, cool?
Any way i’m writing you this to let you know that every morning i get up 15 minutes before you and take a picture of you, because you look so beautiful while sleeping. I hope you don’t find this too creepy. Also I’d like to add that i’m glad you aren’t super conscious of you body because you are my favorite thing to photograph. You bring out inspirations in me that i never knew i had. <3
Also there’s a 6 pack of PBR in the fridge…
Love,
Mike.
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This is why Jen (6od) and I are friends…
This was her entry to get my Friends and Family List…
Okay, so really I think that you and I both know I should be in your friends and family call circle. But because you wouldn’t except my reason over AIM. Here. Happy? Better be, you fuckin’ guy.
Now, I am aware that this doesn’t save me any fucking money, but I don’t talk on the phone all that much, and for whatever reason (no offense), I talk to you on the phone more than other people. I should probably get this by default just because I’m like, what - the third person to ever go to your house? Like, has Garreth even gone inside your house? Yeah, and because your mom likes me. And your dog. I miss your dog.
Anyway - we talk on the phone a bit. Wether it’s about raccoons or making plans or because I have a really random question. We do talk a bit. I am aware that nights are free, but seriously, does anyone else call you more often circa 2-4 AM? I don’t think so. And the best part, is that it’s not even drunk dials. Well, maybe drunk dials would be better. But I’m sure you already get those every now and then, and I’m sure a sober person would be nice to talk to just to mix it up.
But even if just for those times I’m really scared because of those break-ins that have been happening in my neighborhood or just because I’ve watched too many docs on serial killers and Unsolved Mysteries to sleep, so I need to talk to someone about pretty much anything. And just in case my irrational fear of being serial killed DOES happen to come true, I’ll be on the phone with you while it’s going on and you’ll be able to make the proper calls because you know where I live and stuff, and NONE of this will be hindered by you worrying about using up too many minutes. Not that you would be worrying about that while I’m being bound and gagged over the phone only to be slowly tortured and mutilated then most likely raped and killed, but I’m just sayin’. This way you really WON’T have to worry.
Okay, so now for some other reasons:
— Because my birthday is coming up.
— For when I lock myself in some creepo’s bathroom that you said was a creepo but I didn’t listen to you and so this way you can come rescue me up, and then give me a yelling lecture of I-told-you-so on the way to In-N-Out before going home.
— Because I love you.
— Because we both love Oreos, The L Word, lesbians, some of the same bands, TMNT, alcohol, and sushi.
— Because we have that pact to get married if we’re not married by the time we’re 45 so we can just eat food and drink and get fat and die early together while maintaining an open relationship. If I happen to be attractive at that age, I’ll throw some poon in to sweeten the deal. But if I’m really attractive then it’s probably just gonna be for some dumb security reasons and I’ll be rockin’ it Cougar style.
— I have a great rack. Reason enough right there.
— Remember that time Coco punched that guy? And then you Pedobear’d his shirt? That was great.
There’s probably more reasons that I can’t think of right now, but I’m gonna go masturbate, so if I think of any later on I’ll let you know.Fun Fact: I had completely forgotten than she had been in my house….
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This was folded up and tucked under my windshield wiper. At first i thought it was a love letter from one of my many lady admirers. But no it was love letter for the lord instead, or one of his many crazy followers. I don’t know if you can tell, but there is extra handwritten goodies, like “Free, free eternal life!!!” or “The Bible does not lie!!!” or “NOW!! Is the time to Email!?!” Which is nice to now that jesus get’s email cause praying just soooo 19th century. BTW what is his email Jesus@heaven.com?
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Guess What I Got Today?
